OK, here we go again. As usual, bold = add, strikethrough = delete. I hope I'm not being too harsh...
General: Check your spacing before and after headings, they are not even.
General: How many starter tiles are there, one or more than one? Pick either "starter tile" or "starter tiles" and use it consistantly in the document.
General: "Move the wood" is not mentioned anywhere in the rules. I generally don't use the term and use "instead of playing a follower, or any of the actions associated with playing a follower" or something like that. If you want to use it, please define what the term means.
Note: The wagon is considered a follower. So this expansion doesn't introduce follower movement!
Header: The "T" in The Ocean is not capitalised. I have no idea if this is intentional or not.
Page 2:My MS Word shows a box instead of ... at the end of the story (i.e. after "The ocean is not for the feint of heart"). Not a major issue, unless I'm PDF-ing the document!
Text justification needed on the extra pieces bullet points
Preparation: (Suggestion) Would it not make more sense to talk about placing the Starter tile, then shuffling "the remaining" or "the other" tiles with the rest of the tiles?
My MS Word shows the starter tile on the 3rd page. It would look better to either (i) adjust the spacing on Page 2 so that the starter tile fits on Page 2, (ii) adjust the size of the starter tile so that it fits on page 2, (iii) a combination of (i) and (ii) or (iv) move the heading to Page 3. Your choice.
Page 3:Drawing an Ocean Tile: When a player draws a tile
which depicts with the Ocean (or Reef)
on any side, he must play it on the ocean side of the map, OR extend the starter beach. If extending the starter tiles, you may not place a tile so that it turns the beach perpendicular to the starter tiles. The beach should generally be
stretched extended in a straight line.
The Ocean:
"The Ocean is new," --> No it's not. The Oceans are older than your mom
I think you mean "The Ocean is a new landscape feature,"
"and the most common feature in this expansion" --> Do you really have to mention this? It's like The Tower mentioning that tower foundations are the most common feature in this expansion. I think it's superfluous.
"Mechanically," --> Whoa, it has wheels and an engine? No? Machines? No? Then it can't be mechanically anything
The original Carc rules do not use the term "mechanic" or "mechanical" or "mechanically". I think this word can be deleted from the rules.
"it plays the same" --> is probably how one would say it, but it is bad
written English. "It is played the same way" is that phrase in full.
And reading through the rest of the section just got me more confused. What are fishing zone? What do you mean by "sailed". It is confusing.
My suggestion for this section:
"The Ocean is a new landscape feature, some of which may have the following:"
{picture of reef}
Reef
{picture of fishing zone}
Fishing Zone
etc. etc.
I would scrap the analogy with the farmers because that's just confusing, i.e. You don't start the farmer at a barn and "sail" a farmer out to a field to deploy them. In fact, I won't even talk about the followers in this section. Since this section is shortened, I would move it before "Drawing an Ocean Tile" and it nicely introduces what is an ocean tile, before talking about drawing it and playing it.
I would create a new section after this, which would be the equivalent of "2. Place a follower" (since "Drawing an Ocean Tile" is equivalent to "1. Draw a tile").
The text would be something like:
When the player has placed the Ocean tile, he or she may do the following actions:
1. Deploy a follower to the harbour
2. Sail
3. Deploy a follower to the reef
etc. etc.
and then restructure the sections below such that it follows this order. I would advice against making reference to cloisters, roads, etc. as that's just confusing. (They are similar, but not exactly the same)
And after all that has been describe, add the equivalent of "3. Score a completed XYZ" and then "Scoring at the end of the game" and you should be set! Good job so far, I like how this is shaping up!
