The City of Azruah

[meepleater]

This is a game I have been working on for some time, which I have called the City of Azruah. In many aspects it is similar to other games such as carcassonne, but different in other aspects.

The aim is to build a bigger 'palace' than your opponants. Tiles are drawn from a stack and placed on a board (not neccessarily adjacent to any others), and smaller tiles can be purchased and placed on top of the tiles. These smaller tiles make up your palace, and consist of several different chambers which have various placement requirements and scoring functions. Also, bridges being placed across the board prevent the expansion of palaces, and watchmen must be bought and placed on towers in order to remove them.

It can be downloaded from here: http://www.mediafire.com/?oggzty3md02 (reviews appreciated as I am not very good at writing rules)

This download also includes (I think) an expansion, where raiders move from city entrances across the board and invade palaces. Watchmen now have different functions, moving between their towers and certain palaces in order to remove raiders before they prevent parts of the palace from scoring...

[Whaleyland]

Alright alright! I admit I'm a terrible friend for not editing this like two months ago when you asked. I apologize because I definitely had time and just didn't do it. The files have been sitting on my desktop since I downloaded them. Anyway, as promised, here are my suggestions and edits for you:

City of Azruah rules:
* Intro: "has been a long time without a prince to rule them" is a bit awkward; perhaps "has been without a prince to rule them for a long time"?
* Contents: "Colours": are we British or American? I don't know, but make sure the use is consistent throughout.
* Contents: last three items are capitalized but the rest are not, they should be consistent
* Setting up: "All other setting up is as described in the two player version (with the obvious exception that all 3 players receive their pieces/ coins)." Should probably read: "Set up as described in the two player instructions except all players receive the same components" or something like that.
* Taking your turn: "they must then do" could be better said without the "then".
* Placing a palace chamber tile: "It may not be placed on a garden, watchtower or directly on the board
(it must be on an existing tile), but does not have to be placed on the tile just drawn." Break into two sentences. This one confused me.
* Bridges: "and can be legally placed on the board." Probably put "and they can" since you place a comma and it's slightly unclear.
* Towers: "When a city tile with a tower building spot (a square with a cube symbol), a wooden tower block is automatically placed upon it." Fragmented sentence, doesn't make sense.
* Gameplay Example: I was actually rather confused with this. I think you need more images throughout your rules to demonstrate what certain items and rooms look like. I know you have a lot, but I am oddly confused by the reference to a "empty" room. Also, you never really defined what the figures are. You pointed to them, but never defined them further in the rules.

The Raiders of Azruah:
* Intro: "For a ruler to emerge they must remain wealthy". Besides the need for a comma after "emerge", this sentence doesn't actually make sense since you are talking about a future ruler in the present tense ("a future ruler WILL emerge and so he has to remain wealthy NOW"). The race is to become that future ruler by amassing wealth, so this sentence should reflect that.
* Intro: "destroyed utterly" probably should be reversed since this doesn't follow proper English language conventions.
* Setting up: "a 11x9 board" should read "an 11x9 board".
* Setting up: "All other setting up is as described in the two player version (with the obvious exception that all 3 players receive their pieces/ coins)." Should probably read: "Set up as described in the two player instructions except all players receive the same components" or something like that.
* Placing a "war room": "war rooms are do not contribute" should read "war rooms do not contribute".
* Raiders: "Every turn that a player chooses not to purchase anything, they must place, not only a bridge, but also a raider. " Should read "Every turn that a player chooses not to purchase anything, they must place, in addition to a bridge, a raider" or something similar. Your comma use in this sentence breaks the flow.
* Raiders: "at the end of the game (i.e. is not worth any points), however, in the case of a fountain that is overrun". Put a period after "points)" and start a new sentence with "However,".
* Towers and Watchmen: "watchmen are then allowed to into" is missing a verb. I think it should say "allowed to go into" but not sure.
* The large building: That's it? The "large building"? You need a better name for it like the prison or the foreign embassy or something!
* Final Scoring: Actually, it's not the same since raiders remove points from palace tiles. You should probably mention that again here.
* Example: Much better example. I think I like having some holes in the board, it makes things more clear.

One thing that may help both your examples is somehow marking the last-placed tile with a border of some sort. I think that confused me some. Overall, the rules are fairly well written. I'd suggest having more people read it through for edits but overall I could probably work out the game from them. I don't have a reliable printer right now so I can't do an actual play-through anytime soon but I think this game has some nice potential. Keep play-testing it and editing the rules. Good job and keep us posted!

[meepleater]

Thanks for the feedback, and no, you're not a terrible friend (maybe its just as well you replied now, for up until this weekend I would not have had the time to edit this anyway). Answers bolded.

City of Azruah rules:
* Intro: "has been a long time without a prince to rule them" is a bit awkward; perhaps "has been without a prince to rule them for a long time"?
Changed

* Contents: "Colours": are we British or American? I don't know, but make sure the use is consistent throughout.
British, I'm pretty sure I was consistent, but I'll keep an eye out for mistakes.

* Contents: last three items are capitalized but the rest are not, they should be consistent
Changed (and for the Raiders of Azruah too)

* Setting up: "All other setting up is as described in the two player version (with the obvious exception that all 3 players receive their pieces/ coins)." Should probably read: "Set up as described in the two player instructions except all players receive the same components" or something like that.
Changed

* Taking your turn: "they must then do" could be better said without the "then".
Changed

* Placing a palace chamber tile: "It may not be placed on a garden, watchtower or directly on the board
(it must be on an existing tile), but does not have to be placed on the tile just drawn." Break into two sentences. This one confused me.
Changed. Is that all that you found confusing?

* Bridges: "and can be legally placed on the board." Probably put "and they can" since you place a comma and it's slightly unclear.
Changed

* Towers: "When a city tile with a tower building spot (a square with a cube symbol), a wooden tower block is automatically placed upon it." Fragmented sentence, doesn't make sense.
Fixed

* Gameplay Example: I was actually rather confused with this. I think you need more images throughout your rules to demonstrate what certain items and rooms look like. I know you have a lot, but I am oddly confused by the reference to a "empty" room. Also, you never really defined what the figures are. You pointed to them, but never defined them further in the rules.
The 'empty' rooms are merely the tiled city spaces with nothing on them (like gardens, towers etc.). I thought I'd mentioned this, but I changed this just the same, and I also added in more images. I'm currently reworking the example completely.

The Raiders of Azruah:
* Intro: "For a ruler to emerge they must remain wealthy". Besides the need for a comma after "emerge", this sentence doesn't actually make sense since you are talking about a future ruler in the present tense ("a future ruler WILL emerge and so he has to remain wealthy NOW"). The race is to become that future ruler by amassing wealth, so this sentence should reflect that.
Changed 'emerge' to 'prevail'.

* Intro: "destroyed utterly" probably should be reversed since this doesn't follow proper English language conventions.
Changed

* Setting up: "a 11x9 board" should read "an 11x9 board".
Changed

* Setting up: "All other setting up is as described in the two player version (with the obvious exception that all 3 players receive their pieces/ coins)." Should probably read: "Set up as described in the two player instructions except all players receive the same components" or something like that.
Changed

* Placing a "war room": "war rooms are do not contribute" should read "war rooms do not contribute".
Changed

* Raiders: "Every turn that a player chooses not to purchase anything, they must place, not only a bridge, but also a raider. " Should read "Every turn that a player chooses not to purchase anything, they must place, in addition to a bridge, a raider" or something similar. Your comma use in this sentence breaks the flow.
Changed

* Raiders: "at the end of the game (i.e. is not worth any points), however, in the case of a fountain that is overrun". Put a period after "points)" and start a new sentence with "However,".
Changed

* Towers and Watchmen: "watchmen are then allowed to into" is missing a verb. I think it should say "allowed to go into" but not sure.
You were correct. Changed.

* The large building: That's it? The "large building"? You need a better name for it like the prison or the foreign embassy or something!
Ok, I was completely out of ideas, yet neither of those suggestions... fit. I'll keep it open until some suggestion (either an idea of mine or someone else) grabs me...

* Final Scoring: Actually, it's not the same since raiders remove points from palace tiles. You should probably mention that again here.
Good point. Changed.

* Example: Much better example. I think I like having some holes in the board, it makes things more clear.
I agree, that's why I am redoing the first example to be more similar

One thing that may help both your examples is somehow marking the last-placed tile with a border of some sort. I think that confused me some.
Okay, I'll do that.

Thanks so much for the feedback, the next version will be posted shortly.

[meepleater]

Again, thanks for the input. Heres v2: http://www.mediafire.com/?4rmd34rymcz

I decided on naming the large building the 'edifice of war' until a more suitable name could be found. I've also got a far better game example for the base game:

[Wishmaster]

At work, can't get to the download site.... will look later..... However, is this a PC, or a Board game?

[Joff]

It's a tile laying board game.